In Memory

The last couple of days have been quite the whirlwind....and days we never wanted to experience before. Matt and I went to bed late Friday night, around eleven, talking about Matt's dad and how he was doing. His dad had been in the hospital for the past few days and Matt planned to go up the next day to see him...Tuesday was the last day he had been there. Fast forward an hour and I was awoken by the beep of my phone. I had voicemail...which wasn't good, because we don't get phone calls in the middle of the night. I checked my phone and Amy had called me numerous times in the past half an hour. Matt was still sound asleep. I am so grateful to the Lord that I woke up from that beep. I called Matt's mom back and she told me that Bill had passed away just a few minutes before. His heart just couldn't keep up anymore. I immediately got in crazy mode...had to wake up my husband to tell him that he would never see his dad again. The worst feeling in the world. I called my dear friend, Alison, and she came over in about 2.5 seconds to stay with my sleeping kids....she has the wow factor. I am so blessed to have her in my life.
The drive up there seemed like forever. We met up with his mom, his two brothers and my sister-in-law. Matt got to see his dad...though he was lifeless, it was still his dad. He got to say goodbye to him and love on him one last moment.
The past few days have been a blur. Lots of tears and sad moments...and lot of laughs and funny memories. What do I remember the most? When I met my father-in-law 18 years ago, he always reminded me of a big teddy bear. He was always giving. He was a work horse, which is where my husband got his hard work ethic. He LOVED my kids, beyond imagination. He was always thinking of them. Always loving on them. Making tons of memories with them. The little treats he gave them. The walk to the park. The ride in his truck with a stop at the convenient store for a little snack. We moved back here 10 years ago to be around the family more, specifically Matt's dad because of his heart condition. And as much as I hate it here...I am so glad. Because my kids have real, solid memories with their PapPap.
This is the first time we experienced death so close to us. It's so final, and closing. There is no turning back. May God be graceful as we walk this out. The best part is that Bill is now whole, and full of life again, with the Lord. That's what it comes down to. Jesus is truly the light at the end of the tunnel.


I think losing a parent has a completely different feel than losing someone of a different relation. No matter the age, it carries with it, at least for me, a feeling of abandonment, being orphaned almost. Concentrating on "Death, where is thy sting?" knowing they're at peace, that they wouldn't come back if they could now that they've seen the face of Jesus, is helpful. Death stinks. But one day there shall be no more of it. Continually praying for you... :->
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