Friday, April 22, 2011

For the Love of a Child

This post has been on my heart for awhile. I have thought about it...dismissed it...wrote it...and even rewrote it. It is about one of the biggest journeys of my life. A journey that I never expected to be on. One that I got on and there is no turning back. It's the journey of being the mother of a handicapped child.
If you have read my blog for a period of time, you will already know that our adopted son Caleb is mentally handicapped. He also has a list of other issues...possible Autism spectrum, ODD, OCD, PICA, along with the issue of being mentally handicapped. As with your own birth children, when you adopt you also don't know what your end result will be. You assume, and hope that your child will be "normal". You pour your life into them as they grow and change. They bring you so much joy. When I look back to early photos of Caleb it brings a lot of great memories back. He was an easy baby...happy, smiley...a pure delight to have. It was an easy transition from one child to two.
Then before he was two, we knew something was wrong. We passed it aside...friends told us, "he is a boy, you are used to a girl...boys are different." We trusted that and put our fears aside. But as time went on, we knew that life was not going to be as we expected.
Our life is so much different than most people know. Most have no idea what we go through on a daily, weekly, yearly basis with Caleb. We love him, as our our own child, so we push through all the issues and problems. Some people pass judgement on us, without knowing what is going on...without living our daily life...without talking to his doctors and knowing what we know. That hurts the most. Assumptions can be painful. But we can continue our path with him..our journey of the unknown. Our job: to give him the best life possible in the perimeters that we have placed to keep him safe, well and happy. Our prayer for him: to have a joyful and fulfilling life. We know God has so much for him...and we are doing everything we know to walk that out with him.
I think one of the hardest things in life is to not know what God's purpose. You wonder why God chose our family for this journey. You don't doubt God's intentions, and you trust God wholeheartedly...that's how you get through every single day. When you feel His love wash over us and Caleb, it brings peace. And sometimes God doesn't show you the purpose in the beginning...we are learning on this journey. And keeping our eyes on God. He will show us...lead us...and prepare us for each day. It's His love, that shows us how to love.

2 comments:

Amanda J said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes, I could have easily written it myself. Our 7 year has Rett Syndrome and she had just turned 2 when we got the diagnosis. I fought hard to get her sent to a hospital with different doctors to evalauate her. Thank you for writing this.

Superhero Mom said...

As you know, I have had a similar journey. I know this...that I have grown closer and deeper because of my son and his special circumstances! I see Jesus at work all the time.